Waiting Still

What do you do when you are waiting—waiting for an event that could happen any minute, that will require your utmost concentration and strength, that will radically change your life, inside and out, and over whose timing you have no control?

How do you start any activity knowing you might be interrupted? How do you make any date knowing you might not make it? How do you live while waiting for a birth?

I keep thinking that this is the last time. It is the last time we will clean the house; the last time Geoff will go to the grocery store; the last time Jordan will mow the lawn; the last time I will bake bread, go swimming, do laundry, brush teeth… take a breath. And then it isn't.

I keep thinking that the wee one will blossom with this round of spring’s flowers.

First, nearly three weeks ago, there were the dandelions, short and pert, their sunny yellow heads bobbing in the breeze. Kai called them “dandys” and protested ferociously when Jordan set out to mow them down. “They’re so beautiful!” he cried. Would this child be a dandy? No.

Then there were the lilacs, my favorites, exploding in white and purple on either side of our house. Their soothing scent filled our sensory spaces for several days, until these short-lived blooms yielded to a cool rain. Would this baby be born in lilac? No.

Then came the buttercups, golden dots swaying in the meadows amidst the lengthening greens, their sweet and shiny leaves beaming back at the warming sun. Would this small traveler reflect the sun? Nope.

Then came the irises, growing in large clumps behind the house, blue-white, white-blue, and soft yellow, their animal-mouths eating the air. Would this one be breathing soon? It’s not too late!

What next? The hydrangea will be blooming sometime in July.

Then, on Tuesday morning, June 2, due date plus one, I receive an email from a woman named Gina Cloud inviting me to do a radio show with her later that day. I jump at the opportunity, before fully cognizing that “later” means 8-9 PM, Pacific Daylight Time. Past my bedtime! I spend the afternoon teased by every cramp and contraction. How can I go into labor now?! Please no! I vow not to schedule anything else until after the birth.

I sneak away from evening chores for a nourishing nap, rocked to sleep by contractile waves. Finally, as the hour hand slowly reaches its mark, I breathe a sigh of relief. I know I am going to make it… and then I have the most wonderful time! Gina is terrific. Once we sign off the show, I am ready! But nothing is happening. The womb seas are as flat as a placental pancake.

Ah well. For a podcast of our radio show, click HERE!

You can also subscribe to Gina's show through iTunes (search for "Gina Cloud") or visit the Contact Talk Radio website, and download her "June 2, 2009" show!

Here we are today, due date plus three. I glance out the window this morning to see a family of geese, four fluff balls flanked by two parents, floating across the pond. So when will we hatch?

Jordan and Jessica happen to be studying the reproductive system in their eighth grade biology class, and this morning they are scheduled to watch a movie of a baby being born. I’ll bet the movie won’t be late.

It is a beautiful day.

How about now?